A Good Deed

Nikki asked us to share a Good Deed this week.  Well, I struggled with what to write.  Should I take a picture of the check I wrote to Portland Center Stage to help support the Arts?   Or maybe post a picture of the dirty rags I used to help clean the classrooms for the start of my son's school?  I almost wrote about the bags of vegetables I gave to my neighbor.

I pondered this post for two weeks and then Friday I received a phone call from my best friend, Vee*, and my good deed magically appeared.

"SHE is here."  Vee moaned.  "SHE has been here ALL WEEK LONG and is staying until next Sunday."

The SHE is her mother-in-law, Blanche*.  The mother-in-law from hell.

"I thought you told her she couldn't visit this summer."  I said, wincing for my friend.  I have heard all the horror stories about Blanche.

"Well, that is what she agreed to, but now she is making up her own rules again."  Vee whined.  "She's not exactly staying with us, but she might as well be.  She shows up at 8am and leaves at 9pm.  What's the point of NOT staying with us if she is going to be here all day long?"

When Blanche comes to visit, she stays for a month, twice a year;  A winter visit and then a summer visit.  It wouldn't be so bad having a mother-in-law stay for a month IF she did anything to help.  However, Blanche is one of those women who believes she is OWED everything.  Blanche does not pick up after herself.  She does not help watch the children; she won't even play with them.  She expects the use of a car anytime she needs it (and NEVER fills it with gas).  She expects Vee to wait on her hand and foot. 

Blanche believes she should have her own room in their house.  She wants to be a "snow-bird" and use their small house as her second vacation home.  Blanche uses their home as a hotel, makes plans with friends and won't divulge these plans to Vee or Eli (Vee's husband).  However, she will become upset if Eli and Vee have plans they won't cancel.  "I came to visit and you won't spend time with me."

When confronted, Blanche denies, twists, and turns all accusations into self-pity personal attacks .  Eli tries to explain their feelings to Blanche, but she uses his words against him and turns Vee into the wanton woman who stole her son.

This January, Eli told his mother she was NOT welcome in their house.  In fact, they didn't want any visitors at all.  In April the phone calls began.  Each time Blanche's number showed up on Caller ID, Vee's stomach would turn.  Blanch was sad and hurt.  She did not feel wanted.  She couldn't understand. 

Blanche told Eli she was coming to Oregon the first week of September.  He told his mother she was welcome to come and see them, but couldn't stay at their house.  So, Blanche is sleeping at a friend's house two miles away. 

"It couldn't be worse timing."  Vee cried to me.  "Josh starts Kindergarten this week.  I don't need him out of schedule.  I want an easy transition for us, but then SHE had to show up and ruin everything."

"What you need."  I suggested, "Is to get away with me tomorrow.  Let's meet at the Bridgeport Marketplace.  I'll buy lunch, we can window gaze at all the fancy shops, and then take in that movie, Becoming Jane.  We'll make it a true Gal's day."

Vee was ecstatic. 

"I REALLY needed to get away today."  Vee told me as we slurped down gelato.  "I was really enjoying my summer this year.  I've never felt so relaxed and the other night I was looking at Eli and thinking how much I loved him.  Then, I realized why.  SHE hadn't been here.  And now, SHE is back and all those tensions are right back in place."

"One more week?"  I asked.

"Yes, only one more week.  Next Sunday and we are free."  Vee smiled and gave me a hug.  "Thanks for today, Karmyn.  I am so glad you are my friend."

To read about more Good Deeds (which are probably better than mine) go read more Fun Monday Posts

 

*all names have been changed to protect the wicked.

Comments

[beccy]

That is one mil from hell, well done for giving your friends a day off and for your other good deeds as well.

[Dawn]

How sweet of you! Now how about really stepping it up and flying out to my house and taking me to see the same movie? *grin*

[Hootin' Anni]

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, can I empathize with her on this one!!! I had a lovely MIL from the same corner in H e double l!! ;o)

You did good!!!

[Willowtree]

Now if you really wanted to do a good deed for Vee, you should take advantage of America's liberal handgun laws. (I'm kidding!)

[Stephanie]

OH, poor Vee!!!

My fil from hell doesn't even call anymore. And I'm not sad.

((((HUGS))))

[Debbie]

You did a great deed!! You might have saved a life taking your friend out for the day. :D

[john.g.]

You Saint! xx

[barngoddess]

Poor Vee, you probably saved her sanity!!! no doubt in my mind.

Her MIL sounds awful, Iam very lucky I have a great one...my best friend L isnt so lucky.

[Joy T.]

"When confronted, Blanche denies, twists, and turns all accusations into self-pity personal attacks"...OMG I think my mother-in-law is Blanche's long lost sister. I can say with every fibre of my being that I truly feel for your friend. Having a MIL from hell is never fun...for anyone! You're truly a good friend for taking her out and giving her some sanity time.

[Beckie]

This makes my MIL look like an angel...maybe not an angel, but at least tolerable. Karmyn, I need a friend like you - an in person friend that is - oh, you know what I mean.

[Bethany]

Will you be my friend?

[Lisa's Chaos]

This is the best good deed I have read! LOVE it that you made the time to rescue your friend and help her feel better!

[Heather Goodman]

You're a good woman, Charlina Brown.

[tracey]

Thou art a good friend, Karymn. My MIL and FIL used to come and visit from CA; they'd tell us they were staying for two weeks (in our tiny 800 square foot house) and end up staying a month. Every single year! Then one year they said they'd stay for a month, and I thought, hey, at least they're being honest. But they stayed for two...

And don't even get me started on my first month of marriage...

You are a good friend, did I mention that?

[chrisb]

I don't understand selfish people like your friend's MIL- you did the best of deeds giving her this lovely time :)

[nikki]

You are a wonderful friend. You just made her whole week! I try to do that with my mom. My grandma lives with her and after a while my mom gets a bit stir crazy. A brief shopping trip is usually all she needs for a little pick me up.

[Amy W]

What a good friend indeed!

[Robinella]

You ARE a good friend. Girl's time out cures all!!

[Rachel]

You're a great friend!! Sounds like you really helped her out!

[Dawn]

That is definitely a good deed. I would welcome a rescue like that too. I think Eli is on the right track having his mom stay elsewhere. Definitely resentment toward husband can mount when dealing with in-laws. The same is true if one resents the in-laws because the husband does not support the wifes feelings. I hope her situation improves each time.

[Robin]

Hmmmm, I read about this already today, but I can't remember where...:/.

Yeah, you ARE a good friend--being able to tell just what she needed and then ACTING on it! Sounds just like YOU :).

[SwampAngel65]

Your friend is lucky to have you! My heart goes out to her. "Blanche"...hehehe that is about the nastiest MIL name!!! It just evokes evilness.... Next time, rent "Throw Momma From the Train" and have a good laugh!

[john.g.]

Thankfully, I'm single!

[Anglophile Football Fanatic]

What a great BFF you are. And, so dutiful. I hope you girls enjoyed the movie.

[Desert Songbird]

You are a good friend, Karmyn.

And I feel very bad for your friend. I adore my MIL; we're great pals. Too bad everyone couldn't find someone like my awesome MIL.