Dreaming What Ifs...

Reasons We Don't Yet Comprehend....

 
While Dave fixed the blown tire on our boat trailer I snapped a few photos and tried to find good things about the situation.

"At least you're changing the tire on the shady side." I smiled while the hot sun beat down on my back.

When the spare tire fell off and our trailer sparked the road, we quickly pulled over.  We quietly watched as our spare tire bounced and rolled along the highway ahead of us.  It was determined to get to Diamond Lake even though it was apparant we were no longer going. 

I shook my head and laughed, "Maybe there is a reason we aren't suppose to go camping this year."

This previous Wednesday Dave was running a mill trial (experiment with one of his chemicals).  The trial would run late, so Dave planned on spending the night at a nearby hotel.

When he walked into the house at 10:30 pm I was a bit shocked.   "I forgot my wallet."  He sighed and went to bed. 

He had to be out the door by 5am to make it to the mill at 6am.  I couldn't believe him.  Forget his wallet?  When was the last time he forgot to stick that in his back pocket?

The next day, Dave's co-worker, who stayed in the nearby hotel, told him the horrid news:

He was woken by a huge explosion ~2am.  When he left his room, the couple across from him were in the hallway.  She was butt naked holding a 2 year old.  The young man was covered with blood, soot, and burnt clothing.  She was crying, "Methane!  Methane!"  The young man turned and ran screaming out of the hotel. 

After Life Flight lifted the burnt man away and the fire department declared it was safe to re-enter, the clock read 5am.  Just time to take a shower and get ready for work.

Because Dave forgot his wallet, he missed all that excitement.  He earned a few extra hours of sleep at home.

Sometimes there are reasons things happen.  And sometimes there aren't.  I'm waiting on the verdict for our broken boat trailer.... 

  To read the story and/or watch the news story of the explosion - KOIN 6

 

CLEAR

In the doctor's words:

 

The scan showed uptake primarily in the thyroid bed as we would expect, signifying the residual thyroid tissue. There was a little faint uptake in one of the salivary glands (or as the radiologist put it, might actually be less uptake in one from inflammation and therefore normal in the opposite) which we see commonly - and since you had a negative CT and Ultrasound and since you had some salivary swelling I do not think this represents anything but the normal salivary uptake that we see

 

WHAT?

Basically - I'm clear.  The radioactive iodine was taken up where my thyroid used to be located (there were a few thyroid cells left behind after surgery).  Also, there was a little bit in my salivary gland....but considering my glands did swell up after the treatment, they think it is a normal thing to see.

What's next?

A three month check on my thyroid hormone levels and then a six month check on my thyroglobulin levels (a cancer check).  And then I can say with certainty "I'm Cancer Free".  

So, I'm feeling good right now.  And that's a good thing. 

Memories of Radioactivity......

  Things I'll never forget....

 

1.  Walking into my 13th floor-with-a-great-view plastic and paper covered room, thinking "this isn't so bad", only to have glaring at me from the corner the giant 55 gallon drum marked with a Nuclear Waste symbol.

2.  Swallowing two pills removed from lead containers and then watching the nuclear tech pull out a Geiger Counter to get my reading of radioactivity.

3.  Watching the lowly orderly bring my water refill with terror filled eyes yet smiling the biggest smile he could possibly make, because he had been taught to treat patients with a friendly attitude.  I knew he was holding his breath.  When I asked him for another water refill - hey, I had two pitchers - I could only laugh inside with joy at the disappointed look that briefly crossed his face.  But, he mustered his courage and nodded, "Okay, I bwing you anudder watuh".  His hand shook as he quickly poured the water.  I thanked him and he could only smile that huge smile and get away.  The next time I made sure NOT to call during a nurse/shift change!

4. Listening to the quiet of the Cancer Floor being broken only once by the soft melodic sounds of a Mandolin playing for the man in the room next to me.  The gentle music played songs I hadn't heard before....songs I figured were Olde English melodies, Irish Ballads, or even Scottish Hymns.  Then, a song I recognized "The Old Rugged Cross"....and then another one I knew, "She'll be Coming Around The Mountain."  Imagine that song with a Mandolin.

5. Understanding peace and Love in those quiet moments to myself.

6. Facing myself in the mirror with the intense desire for some scissors. My hair looked awful.  It needs a dye and a trim.  It was a good thing I didn't have scissors or my hair dresser would have more than a trim to deal with.

7. Laughing to tears after a spiritual moment revealed answers I'd been searching for.  God is Love.  How simple is that?

8. Feeling stir crazy on Wednesday morning while I waited for the Nucear Tech to come take my reading.  I knew I'd go home but I was on their time.  I looked out my 13th floor at downtown Portland wishing I could be outside breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, and listening to the birds singing.  The room was suddenly too small and too confining.

9. Smiling as I walked out of the hospital room.  I had the intense feeling I had just been "sprung from the joint".  But as I walked the long hallway back to the elevator, I was humbled.  The other cancer patients lying in their rooms were not leaving.  I am the lucky one.

10. Breathing in the fresh air outside after 48 hours of hospital staleness.  It is refreshing.

The Incredible Glowing Woman

Right now, if you are reading this post between Monday, August 8th and Saturday, August 13th, then think about me.  I am glowing with Radioactive Iodide.

I am Radioactive.  I am a Carcinogen.

Imagine that.  I am an AGENT of CANCER. (insert booming echo voice here) 

Kind of crazy to think a cancer causing agent is used to kill my cancerous thyroid cells.  When this whole thyroid cancer adventure began, I was told about radioactive iodide.  Isolation and quarantine was explained to me, but I didn't really sit down and think about the process.  It seemed far away. 

After the horrific tsunamis in Japan, someone suggested I should have just gone to Fukashima City and had the treatment done there. "Hahaha", I laughed sarcastically and then quietly gave them the finger behind their back.  

I'm going to be given this stuff on purpose.  Can you imagine?  When everyone along the West Coast was buying up Potassium Iodide to save themselves from radioactive iodide, I was calling to make an appointment so I could take it in capsule form.

It blows my mind. 

And suddenly, the sweet kind caring Karmyn is gone....replaced by the evil Agent of Cancer.   bwahahaha - I dare you to touch me.  I dare you to stand within 5 feet of me for longer than 15 minutes.  I dare you to let me pet your dog.

Don't worry, I'll return to normal on Sunday.   

Rebellion

  I was not a wild rebellious teenager.  I behaved, obeyed my parents, studied hard, earned good grades, and generally listened and helped around the house.

However, I did resist in my own way.  I quietly hated any of my parents interests.  I made sure they knew I disliked Country Western music (although I could sing every Judd song word for word).  I thought cowboys and farmers were hicks and hated big ole' trucks and tractors.  I frowned at horse back riding, rodeos, and anything having to do with small town USA.  I detested cowboy boots.

I grew a little older, went to college, and then moved to the city where I knew I'd be happy and at home.  I could go live where people were like me.  I walked on the pavement, drove around in my little sporty car, and listened to the latest top 40 and cutting edge underground on the radio.  I bought myself purple Converse tennis shoes, fancy heels, and Doc Martins. 

I grew a little older...

I met a guy with strong ranch/farmer roots.  But it was okay, he drove a Toyota 4-Runner.  He listened to country music, but only a little, he really liked Rock music best.  He owned cowboy boots but that was okay, he only wore them on rare occasions.  I married the guy and we had kids.

I grew a little older... 

We moved our family to a smaller farming community where we bought ourselves a big ole' truck so we could haul yard debris, lumber, and stuff around.  On occasion when I turn the radio on, I listen to the local Country Western station so I can hear the tidbits of community news.  Sometimes, I even tap my foot to the music.  We decided to attend the rodeo.  I was excited to go and see the Bull Riding.  And....

I even bought myself a pair of cowboy boots....and liked them.