"In there, something's missing."(The Mad Hatter to Alice in "Alice In Wonderland" 2010)
It took a few days for me to dwell on the meaning of these words. And then it occurred to me. The words were true. I have lost my muchness.
When did I lose it and where did it go? Has it just been a gradual decline over the past few years or was it all of a sudden? I hardly know.
Something is missing in me. I've lost a spark of my inner core. I've lost the enjoyment of things I used to do. I just play a steady game of "catch-up" on chores around the house and yard. My life is dictated by what needs to be done instead of what I'd like to do. I feel lost in the role of wife and mother and realize that "Karmyn" has been missing for some time.
In the corner of my mind sits a list of unfinished creations, waiting. On a shelf sits ribbons, paper, and photos gathering dust. In a small file sits a few hundred characters twiddling their thumbs while I walk around in a state of numbness. They are all waiting for me, like the Mad Hatter waited for Alice.....to find my muchness.