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Peter, from Holtie's House, asked for our best joke.
Well, since my best joke is probably very very nasty R+ rated, I thought I'd give my second best joke. And since Peter is from Australia - this just tied in quite nicely....
What do you get when you cross a Kangaroo with a Hippopotamus?
Big Holes all over Australia.
Click HERE for some Christmas Cheer.
It's Dave's birthday today! And in honor of that day, I'd thought I'd tell a little story from his 40th birthday.
Happy Birthday!
The week before Dave's birthday, I spent cleaning the house to perfection. We were having a huge party and I wanted everything to be perfect. Then, I spent the two days prior hand-preparing all the food. I made meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, mini quiches, and more.
We purchased a Keg of some good Portland beer and had plenty of wine choices. The Open House party began at 2pm on a Saturday and ended when the last guest left the house.
As it was, everyone showed up at 2pm and the party was a hit. At 6pm, Dave's friends opened the Makers Mark and that is when the real fun began. Being that Dave was already half-sloshed from the beer he had been drinking, it was easy for his two best buddies to toast shots with him.
At 8pm, the new whiskey bottle was 3/4 empty. Dave was literally on the floor. His two best buddies? Well, let's just say one drove home and the other one walked out of the house on his own accord, but let his wife drive. They had let Dave do all the drinking.
I put Dave on the sunroom couch and figured that was the best place for him that night. But then I started thinking. How often does a wife find her husband in this position? I
mean, here was my perfect chance to ask him a few questions and get some answers. I was stone-cold sober (having had one glass of wine the entire evening). He was drunk as a skunk. He would probably tell me anything.
So, I sad down beside him and asked away.
"Honey, is there anything you need to tell me? Something you've been wanting to say and haven't had the chance?"
He lay there for a moment and then in his drunken slurs said, "I love you?"
Dang. I decided to change tactics.
"Dave, is there anything you've been wanting to do but haven't?"
"yes!" He garbled, too drunk to even raise his head. I was excited. Here was coming some deep dark truth that I had never known about him.
"I want to get in your pants."
I sat there in disbelief. What? No secrets from this man? No hidden agendas? Part of me was a little annoyed, but then I realized - I've got a good man. No secrets or hidden desires is a good thing. He is true and loves me.
Obviously, I went to bed alone and left him with a puke bucket (just in case - you can see it in the picture).
I woke up at 3am hearing noises in the kitchen. Dave was up eating cold meatballs. I asked him if he was okay. Drunkenly, he murmured he was just hungry and thirsty. I got him a big glass of water and sent him back to the couch.
When the kids woke at 7am - Dave was up again, feeling good albeit a little tired. No signs of a hangover, but no desire to drink Whiskey for a long time.
Me? I woke up feeling completely hung over. My head throbbed, my body ached, and I felt as if I'd been hit by a mack-truck. One glass of wine - where was the justice?
Oh well, my husband had a great time turning 40 and I knew I had a good man.
And that whiskey bottle? Two years later it is still up in the cupboard, 1/4 full.
First - THANK YOU to Beckie for such a wonderful surprise in the mail. Delicious homemade caramels. These are not going to last long! I'm thinking about hiding them in my sock drawer so only I can eat them. Yummy Yummy Yummy!!!
Secondly - to Amanda. I promise to take good care of Baby. She is already getting tons of attention from Buttercup (more than she really wants) and Jammin'. Currently, she is sequestered from the dogs, but they are most curious as to why they have lost their bed in the sunroom and know there is a strange cat in there. Skunky has seen his nemesis, but being 13 really doesn't give a care right now - as long as his food and water and warm lap remain constant. All will change, I'm sure, when Baby is a bit more comfortable and I give her free reign of the house. We'll see what happens then.
I know it was hard for you to give her up and under such difficult circumstances. Moving at this time of year has not been the easiest. At least you can rest at ease knowing Baby has a good home AND will have more than enough attention than she really needs. You said we were doing you a favor - but according to Buttercup, this has been "The Best Christmas Ever" and we haven't even celebrated yet!
Driving along the freeway, I brought up the fact that every time someone finds out I'm pregnant, the first question they ask is, "Do you know if its a boy or a girl?"
Jammin's sex had been a surprise. I reminded Dave that we knew Buttercup was to be a girl. He had forgotten we found out. "But, you know." He said, "She could have been a boy. The ultrasound technician could have been wrong."
Jokingly, I turned around and looked at the kids with my eyes wide, "Do you mean to tell me Buttercup is really a Boy and Jammin' is really a Girl? OH MY!"
Buttercup laughed. Jammin' remained quiet. I could see the wheels turning in his head.
"You mean, I really AM a girl?" Jammin' asked, his voice worried.
"Jammin'!" I shook my head, "Of course you are a boy....I was joking! What is it that makes you a boy?"
His response? "Um....because I don't like Hello Kitty stuff?"
I think I have some more explaining to do.
Click Here for more Celebration Cinquains
Here are my stabs at the Cinquain poetic style. (I had to look this one up. I think Limericks were more my thing). I was a little nervous and worried that my mind wouldn't get into the creative spirit, but I don't think I did too bad. Plus, I did more than one, so that's something!
Only one of the following fits the TRUE Cinquain style and here it is. The others are of my own style.
Celebrate #1
Bright lights
Red White Green Blue
hanging from the tree and home
announcing great joy, love, and cheer
Christmas
Celebrate #2
I Love
to watch the kids
open their presents on
Christmas day, like two little imps
happy
Celebrate #3
Loved ones
Arrive in pairs
like Turtledoves and Socks
Eating, Drinking, all Together
Party
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
I smell like a monkey
And in honor of my special day - here is a birthday Cinquain I came up with all by myself - getting ready for the big Poetic event hosted by Robin tomorrow!
Oh, and my Fun Monday post is below.
Birthday
Another year
Closer to the forty
Bring it on I'm ready I think
to drink
Kitty asked to know the story of my house and road.
Well, I am going to cheat a little and talk about my OLD house. The house we used to live in - the old ghost house. The reason? I felt compelled to show how progress can change a place....and break my heart.
We lived in a small Ranch-style house, built in the 1960's, with 1.3 acres and a little creek running through the front of the property. Behind us, stood a smaller house on 5-acres including a barn and very friendly horse. Every winter and spring, the property along the creek flooded. Our house was never in danger, but we did own a sump-pump that ran water out of the crawl-space all winter long.
We had a long driveway and a little bridge and were visited by ducks, geese, and the occasional Nutria. As much work as the yard was, we really enjoyed the property. Especially in the summer when the dogs and kids could just run free.
(here is the picture of Jammin' my mom used as reference to paint the picture for me. I showcased it in a previous Fun Monday Post!)
When we sold our property and moved, we knew the property was considered a flood plain, and thus un-build-able. We thought "maybe" a new house could be built directly next to our home (where we kept a garden). That was a higher part of the land. But, "NO WAY" could a house be build by the creek.
Well, we were wrong. Yesterday, we drove to Portland for a birthday party and I took the camera along to take pictures of what "they've" done to the place. It breaks my heart.
The new owners subdivided the property. The couple who purchased our home knocked it down and built on top. 
Then - they built two more homes on the property - AND had to add a surface water retention pond. Yes, the homes are nice - huge monstrosities. I know property is prime in the Portland/Metro area. But, sometimes a piece of property is nice just as it is and should be left alone. 
We spoke to a couple of our old neighbors. They don't like it. They miss us. I wonder if the ducks do too.
Today, I attended Buttercup's Christmas program. It was held in a small church next to the school. Dave could not make it due to the 11am time slot. As the church began to fill with parents and grandparents I couldn't help noticing that the pew I sat in remained empty.
The principal of the school asked for everyone to squeeze together to make room for the guests who were still standing in the back. I sat as close to the edge as possible.
I looked at my empty pew. It would fit at least six adults. The row in front was full with six people and a small child. The row behind had squeezed in seven. Across from me a woman was practically sitting in her husband's lap because her row was so filled. Yet, no one seemed to be sitting next to me.
Finally, an older woman and daughter walked up and filed past me, but sat clear at the opposite end, leaving a "four-body" space between me and them.
I swear I took a shower. I swear I don't bite.
The pregnancy hormones took hold and tears welled up at the unintended exile. No one likes me.
Then the preschoolers walked into the chapel and all was forgotten when Buttercup's face lit up at the sight of me. "Mama!"
Today, while driving through the local college town, I noticed a bumper sticker that caused me to chuckle. So, of course, I needed to share:
Get a Taste of Religion.
Lick a Witch.
